Get Your Humor Here!!

This is a fictional, humorous, somewhat skewed historical references journal account of the crosscountry "roadtrip" some fictional people took from Norfolk, Viginia to Lost Angulus in the early 1800's. This was by covered wagon, so you can imagine it was a little rough. They never imagined it would be this rough. Or humorous!

I'll be updating this story as I get more information from the folks, as they stop in various locations or as various folks come to their rescue time and time again.

The story starts out with their basic menu.

Our Friendly Little Wagon Roundup

Chow Wagon

Monday, and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Breakfast Chow Menu

Ham

fried

Eggs

Boilt

Fried

Oatmeal

Boilt

Fried

Grits

Boilt

Fried

Cornbread

Yeller

White

Pancakes

Soggy

Dry

Syrup

Maple

Lunch Chow Menu

Soup

Chicken

Bean

Beef

Corn

Yeller

White

Cornbread

Yeller

White

Bread

Buttered

Not Buttered

Butter

White

Yeller

Beans

Any kinds we can find

Meat

Cow

Pig

Gator

Poultry

Any kinds we can shoot

Chili

Red

Supper Chow menu

Soup

Chicken

Bean

Beef

Corn

Yeller

White

Cornbread

Yeller

White

Bread

Buttered

Not Buttered

Butter

White

Yeller

Beans

Any kinds we can find

Meat

Cow

Pig

Gator

Poultry

Any kinds we can shoot - turkey, chiken, pigen, crow if we have to.

Chili

Red

Supply Wagon

Now you just mind your own business!

Camp Gossip

Now, you just don't mind your own business!

5/16/1832 - This is the first day of our trip. My name is Elroy Hagget. I am the Designated Wagon Driver cause I the only one what know how to drive a team a horses. We is planning on goin to Lost Angulus. We heading out from Norfolk Virginia. We thinkin first a goin to Virginia Beach (right up the street) to say hi to friends an' all. An' family too. We are the Johnsons and their family, and the Carmone's and their children and the Kurweilers and their family, the Mcmott's and theirs, and the Cobb's and their little boy Ty. What a rascal. Always swingin a stick like he gonna hit something with it. That boy has no senses, never. Nothin but trouble. Never will amount to nuthin. We ought toss him in the lake right now, before we even get out of town. The Geaghans who came from Boston, who then came from Ireland with the O'Malley's. Then the O'Malley's who came from Ireland, and before that, from Boston with the Geaghan's. Say somethin' bout his grandfather having some tea party in Boston as a little un. That ain't right, a boy having a tea party. That ain't right.

The Driver - Me, Elroy Hagget 5/16/32

Wagon 1

The Johnsons - Mister Allen, Missus Jessica, Billy, Joel, Todd, Randy, Anne,

5/16/32 - Shortly after we left Norfolk, Virginya, Billy fell in the creek we passed. Wasn't mindin his own business. Let that be a lesson to you all. We gonna miss him.

Wagon 2

The Carmone's - Mister Anthony, Missus Maria, Little Joey, Anthony jr,

5/16/32 - Little Joey Carmone left Billy in the creek we passed. He was mindin' his own business. Let that be a lesson to you all.

Wagon 3

The Kurweilers - Mister Kirk, Missus Kate, Job, Jeb, Jake, Jim, Joseph

5/16/32 before breakfast- A Indian asked Kirk which way was Atlanta. What he asking him for? What, think cause he white, he know every town?. I thought Indians supposed to know where everything at. They were the ones who told Chris Columbus to come over here.

Wagon 4

The McMott's - Mister Joe, Missus Karen Anne, Robert, Caleb, Theodor, Mac

5/16/32 after breakfast- Big Joe saw a sign that said "Atlanta - That way". He didn't know which way That Way was. He didn't say nuthin'.

Big Joe's wife minded her own business. Let that be a lesson to you all.

Wagon 5

The Cobb's - Mister Jimmy, Missus Kelly, Ty, Alexander, John, Amy, Juliet

5/16/32 Just before we had to go hunting for food- Jimmy accidently discharged his shotgun into the roof of his wagon. Daggum it! He used the last shot in camp to ventilate his roof. We was gonna use that shot!

Wagon 6

The Geaghans - Mister George, Missus Mary, George, Duke, Harry, Manny, Tessie, Maria Anne,

5/16/32 Right after Jimmy ventilated his roof. Robert and his 2 oldest sons went to find the Indian to ask him where the nearest general store was. Left on foot.

Wagon 7

The O'Malley's - Mister Buddy, Missus Margaret, Jonathan, Carla, Annette, William, Teddy

5/16/32 Right after Jimmy ventilated his roof. They mindin they's own business. Like everyone should. Quit knowin what's goin on with every one else all a the time. I told them I thought they should feed their horses more often. Might make em more perky. Their little boy Teddy got a blabbermouth for a mouth. I told them that to. I think they should know that.

 

Other assorted humor-

“Quote of the Week” - These are quotes I found in the news paper, which I thought were pretty funny.  I included the context so you could see why it might be funny.

 

 Donald Rumsfeld -

“They were not cooking cookies inside those tunnels” – Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld referring to air strikes to some tunnels in Afghanistan that produced secondary explosions and fires, which he said, “could only indicate that a substantial stockpile of weapons or explosives was stored in the tunnel.”

 

President Bush -

“I don’t spend a lot of time taking polls around the world to tell me what I think is the right way to act. I’ve just got to know how I feel,” – President Bush

 

 

Former Green Bay general manager Ron Wolf, whose Packers qualified for the playoffs six times in nine seasons in the 1990s, including back-to-back Super Bowl trips in 1997-98, said the NFL mountain is difficult to climb.

"I think the hardest thing about the draft is where you are in the draft," Wolf said. "The higher up you are - in other words, drafting one, two, three, four, five, six or seven - the tougher it is. That's a very tough place to be. Because you have to hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth to win the World Series with those picks. I think when you get there, sometimes you analyze and you go too deep. You really get deeper than you need to be. Consequently, you get paralysis by analysis."

 

 

05-14-2004 CBS kfmb local news San Diego

Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt on holes in a mosque/shrine in Baghdad-

Four holes, each about 12 inches long and 8 inches wide, were visible on the golden dome of the Imam Ali mosque. They appeared to have been caused by machine gun fire.

Militia members blamed American forces for the damage, but Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt, the chief U.S. military spokesman in Iraq, said al-Sadr's men were probably responsible: "I can just tell you by the looks of where we were firing and where Muqtada's militia was firing, I would put my money that Muqtada caused it."

At a news conference in Baghdad, Kimmitt pointed to a map of Najaf and said that a U.S. convoy might have been fired on from a cemetery as it moved near the shrine. If so, those rounds could have hit the shrine, he said.

"If our forces were coming down this road and were being shot at from the cemetery from north to south, ... go ask Muqtada who put that hole in the shrine," Kimmitt said. "The coalition does not yet have ammunition that can shoot to the north and then turn around and head south."